The Academy
by Ektha
Summary: Clary and all her friends go to Angel Academy but what happens when anew bad boy Jace and her old love Ben both enter at the same time? Which one will she choose?
1. Chapter 1

Angel Academy

JPOV

Great another school, another principal, another disciplinary system, another everything. Every time his mother shipped him off to another boarding school her excuse was always, "You can reinvent yourself there, be a new improved Jace."

The first few times he had tried to change his ways, tried to be different. To be sweet, caring, respectful. To make his mama proud, but somehow he always ended up in the dean's office. He would then have to head back home and see that sad, disappointed look on his mother's face. That look its self hurt him more than his father's slaps or his brother's lectures. After the fourth or fifth school he just stopped trying, just fell into the void and took anything that came at him.

"Mr. Herondale?" a voice broke him out of his reverie. He looked up to see a fairly old man. He must have been about forty or so, his hair slightly greyed, his face weather and wrinkled. He smiled, "I'm Luke Grey." Jace tilted his head, he had heard that name before. Luke smiled, "Yes I'm Mr. Grey the headmaster."

"CLARY!" someone screamed from behind her. She whipped around only to be shoved against a brick wall as her best friends pulled her into a group hug. She laughed, already loving being back with her friends.

"Hey guys," she giggled, hugging them back hard. "It's so good to see you guys again!"

Isabelle smiled, "I have so much to tell you!" she shrieked. Isabelle had been one of her first friends when she joined the school, two years ago after her father died. Izzy was a goddess, tall and thin with long black hair and icy blue eyes. When she had first met her Clary had been intimidated but soon found out that Iz was a sweet, kind hearted girl that like to torture her and keep her as a barbie doll. She was also her best girl friend.

"Hey hey, I also have stuff to tell you guys," Simon piped up, feigning hurt. Simon had been her best friend since kinder garden. He was a tall, lean gaming geek. He had dark brown hair that was never tamed and chocolate brown eyes, He was a constant in her life and always had been. Surprisingly once they joined the Academy he had filled out and tried out for the soccer team and got in. He was a bit of a soccer star at the school, but he was always so modest about it. He was her best guy friend.

"Well there's enough time before dinner to catch up, I just need to get my room assignment," Clary said smiling at her friends. They nodded in agreement and they all went into the school hall to receive there class schedule and room numbers.

"Score!"Clary fist pumped the air and giggled.

"What?" both Iz and Simon asked.

"I got a room all to myself this year," Clary explained clearly noting the jealousy in their eyes.

"God damn you Fray," Simon sighed shaking his head. Clary just giggled and ruffled his hair.

"I'm sure its cause Mr. Grey has the hots for you Mum," Izzy said jokingly. Clary smiled faded slightly, her Mum had started dating Mr. Grey last year and it had been hard enough getting over the fact that she was dating again, but her head master. I mean _seriously?_

"Oh get over yourselves," she giggled. "Who you with Izzy?"

Izzy looked down again and shrugged, "Maia."

"Oh come on Iz she is awesome, I had art with her last year," Clary said trying to lighten her friends mood.

"Yeah I guess," Iz grumbled, "But at least we are only three rooms apart this time." she excitedly realised. They all laughed.

"What about you Simon?" Isabelle asked.

"Oh, I'm rooming with Chris," he said with a smile. Chris was another soccer star in the school and he and Simon were good friends. Not to mention he was really cute and Clary had the hots for him.

As they walked to the girls dorms, they walked through the great quad separating the two genders. The grass was a lush green and the angel fountain spurted water from its mouth, it was like home Clary thought. As good as home got, because ever since her father died her home back in LA never seemed like home, more like shelter. Back here she felt at home, with her family, friends and love. At this school she was loved, not that her mother didn't love her, but after her father's death she had distanced herself. Throwing herself into painting. Clary understood it was her Mother's way of coping but she couldn't help but felt abandoned. Even surrounded by the two people that loved her the most in the world she felt lonely, like no one could quite understand her no matter how hard she tried to explain herself.

As they walked across the quad they got more than enough 'hello's' and 'hi's' from fellow students. The three of them were very popular, and thy knew it. They were all very modest about it, but with Iz's looks and attitude and Simon's soccer status and gamer name and Clary's kindness and fame as an artist they were well known and liked amongst the Academy. Clary made sure that they didn't fall into the stereotypically popular crowd often seen in movies, no they were all kind and sincere. They didn't judge or bully and they always lended a helping hand. Of course they were also humorous and full of mischief making them leading figures at the Academy.

"Mmm, who is that fine piece if ass?" Iz asked breaking Clary out of her reverie. Clary followed her gaze and saw a new student with Mr. Grey. She could see her was a boy, a well defined by at that. He stood tall and confidently. As they neared Clary saw arrogance and figured that was due to the fact that he was gorgeous. She wasn't going to deny it. He was muscular and tall, his face chiselled and beautiful. He had golden hair that stood out of line and a play boy smirk on his face. He knew he was hot she thought.

"Damn he is cute," she agreed, Isabelle looked at her as if she was stupid. "What?"she said defensively.

Izzy raised her eyebrows,"You do not call _that_," she gestured at him, "cute. _That _is hot!"

Clary rolled her eyes and giggled, Simon flung his arm over her shoulders and laughed along with her. As they passed the new boy Iz put on a brilliant smile and called out, "Hi Mr. Grey." Simon snorted at her attempt to get attention and Clary coughed in order to hide her laugh.

Mr. Grey turned and smiled back, "Miss. Lightwood," he said with affection. He turned to Clary and Simon, "Mr. Lewis and Clarissa dear."

Clary groaned inwardly, he always made it so obvious that she was a favourite of his. Sure she loved it but it made it hard to get the credit it for certain things because people assumed she got it simply because her mother dated him.

Of course Mr. Grey had a soft spot for the three of them. "Yo Mr. Grey,"Simon said with a nod.

"Hey Mr. Grey," Clary said politely.

"How was your summer?" he asked the trio. They all nodded and called out 'good'

The new boy had yet to show any interest to them, much is Isabelle's frustration.

"Well then off you go," Mr. Grey said. They all smiled and turned to leave.

"Ah, Clarissa will you stay a moment please." He called out.

Clary sighed and quickly put on a smile as she turned around, "Sure. See you guys later," she said hugging Isabelle and giving Simon a quick hug.

"Thanks you Clarissa," Mr. Grey said. He turned to the new boy, whom she saw was examining his nails. She could sense that cockiness coming off him, he was bad news. "This is Jace Herondale, a new transfer student." he gestured to Jace. Jace looked up and she saw his eyes were a beautiful gold.

She smiled at him and he smirked back, his eyes raking her body. She quickly turned to Mr. Grey.

"This is Clarissa Morgenstern Mr. Herondale. Clarissa I would like you to show him around and make him feel comfortable, you can hand him over to Mr. Lewis when it comes to the boys' area," he said, oblivious to the fact that boys and girls were often in the same dormitory.

"Sure," Clary said politely. Mr. Grey left them and she turned to Jace. He looked at her.

"Hey," he said, his voice a soft velvet that made her shiver. "You cold?" he asked with an amused grin.

She couldn't help blush at his attention to detail, "No I'm good thanks. What year are you in?" she asked.

"Year 11, what about you?"

"Year 10."

"Cool."

Clary spent the next half an hour giving Jace a tour of the school. Noticing how he always looked bored and barely showed any other emotion other than amusement. As they had walked around many girls had looked appraisingly over him and she knew he knew. Finally they came to the boys' dormitory.

"Well here is the boys' dormitory," She said, walking up the stair to the entrance.

"Wait!" he called out grabbing her by the elbow. It sent a jolt of electricity up her arm. She stopped quickly, " You aren't allowed in there," he explained.

Clary began to giggle, "I never thought you would be one for the rules," she said with a smirk.

Jace smirked back, "Well I never thought you were one for breaking them."

"Well this rule in particular is not all that true," she smiled back, " the teachers don't really care if you hang out in the kitchen and lounge, its the rooms they get worried about." she winked.

"Oh, so are you taking me to my room?" he asked looking innocent.

"Yep," she said.

Jace winked, "Well lead the way Clarissa," he said, leaning close to her and whispering in her ear.

She shivered where is breath blew and released a shaky breath, "It's Clary." she said quietly.

Jace looked confused, not the reaction he was expecting she realised. "Don't call me Clarissa, call me Clary."

He nodded as he understood, "Okay."

As they walked into the boys' dormitory Jace couldn't help but smile at Clary. With her wild curls of red and vivid green eyes she was beautiful, but stupefying. She was popular in the school ad favoured by the headmaster, yet she wasn't controlling or rude. It looked like people genuinely liked her. He could see why.

The boys' dorm was huge, it took up one whole length of the quad, opposite the girls' dorm. It was very tastefully designed. It had a modern look to it, with a small foyer as they entered which lead to a huge room where there were many boys and girls were seated on couches, love seats and arm chairs. There was a number tv's across the room and the room was loud with chatter.

As the walked through through many boys' shouted hello to Clary. A few of them getting up to hug her. She changed when she was around them, she wasn't shy or meek like around him. She was strong and sassy. She also looked a lot more comfortable.

"I've missed you too," she said to yet another boy, "Oh and this is Jace." Jace looked at the boy that had his arm around Clary's waist. He was tall with very dark hair and pale skin, he was strong and taller than Clary, but then again Clary was small and petite, barley 5 and a half feet. "Jace, this is Sebastian, captain of the soccer team." That got his attention and Sebastian seemed to notice.

"You play?" Sebastian asked.

"Yeah." Jace nodded. Sebastian eyed him.

"Trails are tomorrow at 3."

Jace nodded. Sebastian bent down and whispered something in Clary's ear. She smiled and winked at him and said, "I'll see."

Sebastian just laughed and pulled her tighter to him, "please?" he said, trying to look cute. Clary giggled.

"Ahem..." Jace cleared his throat, "Could you two shamelessly flirt later, I'd like to get to my room."

Clary blushed bright red and Sebastian just glared at him.

"I'd better got, see you at dinner Sebby," Clary said quickly. Sebastian gave her a hug and a quick peck on the cheek to which she blushed at and left.

As they walked down the hall and out of the crowed lounge Clary turned to him, anger clear on her face, "Did you have to be that rude Jace?" she asked.

He just smirked, "That's how they like me, rude and raw" he said with a wink.

Clary threw her hands up in the air and sighed, "Urgh! Can't you take anything seriously?" She stomped forward before stopping and sighing again, "What room number are you and whom are you rooming with?"

Jace smirked, amused that he had gotten to her so quickly, though he couldn't help but notice that around him she was quieter and much more smaller (metaphorically). With all those other people she was outgoing and sparky, a socialite. Maybe he scared her, or she didn't know him well enough, but he wanted to know that sassy Clary. He hesitated, _why? _ Why did he want to know her?

"Jace!" she called, clearly impatient.

He smirked, "Coming dear."

I was rooming with a guy called Alec, apparently a girl called Isabelle was his cousin and Isabelle was one of Clary's friends. When I saw Alec, a tall boy with dark hair and piercing blue eyes he reminded me of the girl Mr. Grey called Miss. Lightwood, that had to be his cousin.

"Okay so you know how to get to your room right?" Clary asked, sounding like a mother hen.

"Yes Mother," Jace muttered, he looked at Alec behind Clary's back but before he could so much as sigh she said, "Alec don't you dare agree you him." She had a light voice but with a hint of menace, or was that pride? He saw Alec chuckle and shake his head.

"Okay dinner is at 6, so like half an hour. Do. Not. Be. Late." she said, a threat spelt in her words, "Alec will remind you and if your confused about anything don't hesitate to ask -"

He interrupted her quickly, "Don't worry baby I'll ask you." He added a wink.

She raised an eyebrow, clearly unimpressed, "I was going to say ask Alec. I would prefer if you _didn't _ask me," she added under her breath.

Jace tsked, "That's no way to treat a new student, really now Clary."

She just rolled her eyes, "real mature Jace I mea-" but before she could finish her threat another voice called out.

"Clare? Is that you?" a male voice called which caused Clary to freeze and capture her bottom lip in her teeth.

"Ben? Is that _you?_" Her eyes wide as a tall tanned boy walked into his vision. He looked like a younger Taylor Lautner, he dark eyes and perfect face. It was obvious he was buff and there was a smile playing at his lips. He had short cropped her that stood out in a messy way, his hair was as dark as his eyes. In fact he looked like Sebastian. Just not too pale.

A cry came from Clary's mouth and she flung herself onto the 'Ben'.

"Omg! Why didn't you tell me you were coming back? I missed you so much! - Wait why are you back? Didn't you like playing at Canada? They didn't kick you out did they? I mean your the best soccer player your age what were they thinking!" She said in a rush.

Ben laughed, "No Clary they didn't kick me out, I just got sick of it and needed my friends again..." he winked at her. She giggled and looked down. He grabbed her hand and pulled him into her chest, "I missed you Clare," he whispered into her hair. For some reason this guy was just pissing me off, I mean I'm right here and he's basically trying to pick up Clary.

She squeezed him tighter and the pulled back, I didn't notice my hands were in fists until I felt the pain my nails were causing. I cleared my throat. Clary looked at me as If she just realised I was there. She stepped back and ran her hand through her hair.

"Uhm,, Ben this is Jace. A new student. He's room is next to yours..." she seemed to falter, what else was she supposed to say. "Oh and he plays soccer." she added.

Ben nodded and then looked at me, "Nice to meet you man, I'm Ben Chastler."

I nodded having heard that name before, "Jace Herondale."

"So you play?" he asked.

"Yep,"Jace said, popping the 'p'.

"Ben was at a soccer school thingy for 6 months in Canada," Clary said, trying to break any tension.

"Really?" Jace asked, not really interested.

"Yeah, you know Footie Fame."

Jace's eyes widened in surprise, "Wow, that's big stuff man."

Ben nodded, looking uncomfortable with the attention. They all lapsed into a kind of awkward silence. Jace didn't really like this guy, he seemed almost too good to be true, but then again if he got into Footie Fame, a world renowned football school he must have some mad skills.

"Well," Clary said trying t break the silence, "I'm going to head off. Hope you get settled nicely Jace," she glanced at him and smiled at him. She then looked at Ben and her smiled got wider, " _So_ good to see you again. I'll see you at dinner right?" she asked him.

He smiled back at her, "Of course Clare," Ben then leant forward and pecked her on the lips. She blushed furiously and glanced at Jace to see his reaction. He pretended he didn't give a damn, and he didn't he told himself. With that she bit her bottom lip again and waltzed out.

The dinner hall was so noisy and everyone seemed to want to talk to her. Isabelle was trying to tell her about one of her many holiday flings, personally Clary felt for the poor guy that Iz had decided to string along. Simon was trying to ask her something and she just kept mumbling something incoherent.. Every one else was shouting and screaming and the buzz got a bit to much for her. She quickly moved past Iz who stopped in mid sentence hurt by Clary's absence and Simon looked worried. But right now she just needed to get away and think for a little. From the moment she had seem Ben again she had been bombarded with feelings she though were gone. Then he had gone ahead and kissed her and she just felt too confused to function.

Once Clary had pushed past the throng of people she was met with a soothing silence. She took a deep breath and slowly released it. She walked down the quad and to the lake opposite the dinning hall at the end of the quad. She came to her favourite bench, the one where she would come to think and draw. It was special to her because on her first day here she had almost started crying when her parents left and her Dad had taken her here and calmed her down. It was the last time she had seen him, breathing on his own.

"This is my bench," a voice said, starting her.

She jumped up and turned around, standing just behind her, with a very amused smirk on his face was, Jace.

"Oh yeah?" she asked, suddenly very pissed. He nodded, obviously very entertained by her anger, "Well I claimed it long before you." her voice came out full of anger and venom.

His eyes widened and he held his hands up in surrender, "Hey I'm willing to share."

She looked back at the water and took a deep breath, "Sorry," she whispered.

She felt a movement next to her and saw that Jace had sat down. They sat in silence for a while, it was comfortable, none of them needing words. Jace took a loud breath in.

Clary realised, that she was missing dinner and Iz and Simon would be worried. She got up quickly and turned to Jace, his face blank and his stare over the water, he looked... lonely.

She bit her lip, feeling bad for snapping at him earlier,"I guess can share too."


	2. Lil Miss Sassy

_She bit her lip, feeling bad for snapping at him earlier,"I guess can share too."_

_Clary stood in darkness, it was the type of darkness that she couldn't even see her hand in front of her face. It scared her, she could hear people or things moving in the darkness but not see them._

_Slowly every sound became louder as if she was walking towards it all, except she was standing still._

_She looked up, noticing a faint light that lit up the absolute darkness. She saw a silhouette of a man, blocking the light. He was tall with a military cropped hair. As he walked closer she could make him out, still his whole face was eclipsed in darkness._

"_Clare?" the voice called out. She gasped. The voice was one she had dreamed of for a long time, at one stage that voice was an anchor keeping her from falling into a deep black void. That voice represented home, love, life. It represented hope for her and she had lost that voice. She had lost it. When it had gone off to war._

"_Jon! Jon?" she called out, desperate to see his face. As he advanced closer she could make out military fatigues. Slowly she could see the faint blonde hair, the slightly bent nose, the dark black eyes and that smile._

_The smile that held her through all the dark times in her life. The smile that was there at her Dad's funeral, when she moved to the Academy, when she broke her arm, when she got her first kiss. That smile had always made calm down, to understand that there was someone out there for her. It was Jon's smile._

"_Jon? Jon, are you alright? Why don't you write? You make me so worried. How is the war? Will you be back soon?" she asked hurriedly, scared that he would go._

_Jon just smiled again, calming her down, pushing all her fear out of her head. "I love you Clare. Remember I love you." And with that he touched her cheek. The feel of those calloused fingers, rough and soft with brotherly affection. Telling her that he was there, that he would always be there made a few tears fall down her cheeks._

_He turned, his hand's absence made her shiver and walked back towards the light. She felt her throat close up in pain, tears falling freely now. As he walked into the light he turned and smiled, he raised a hand in farewell and was consumed by the light. _

_Slowly the blackness over took her again, the light fading and with it all the calm that Jonathan had bought. She began to run forwards, to where the light was but there was only darkness. "Jon!" she screamed. "Jo-"_

Clary sat up straight in her bed, her curls stuck to her sweaty face. She panted in and out trying to control the over whelming fear that accompanied that dream.

The dream had occurred almost every night since they got news that Jonathan, her brother, had gotten injured and would be in hospital in Iraq. She never knew what it meant, but all the thoughts and fears about Jon were doubled after that dream.

She looked at the clock, it was 4 30. She would never get back to bed now and would have to wake-up in about an hour anyway. She got out of bed, feeling shaky and immensely glad that she didn't have a room mate that would have heard her cries.

She got into a hot shower, the bullets of hot water pounded her back loosening her muscles and washing away and sleep. She stepped out and wrapped herself in a fluffy towel, wiping away the steam from the mirror she looked at herself. Her usually vibrant curls were lank and stuck to her face. Her face which was pale was gaunt and thin, with huge black circles under her eyes. Her eyes themselves were dull and life less, swimmingly green yet an undercurrent of depression and pain covered their colour.

She changed quickly into a pair of yoga pants and a tight green tank, shoved her curls into a bun and grabbed her sketch pad and pencils. She headed out, being extra careful that the hall matrons didn't catch her.

Once she was outside on the quad she took deep breath and let it out. The quad was empty and silent save for the trickling of the water from the angel fountain. It was foggy and the dew seeped into her canvas shoes. There was no wind yet she shivered, it was spooky but the sun was rising. Slowly but steadily. It was trying to shine through the thick wall of clouds, trying to illuminate the school.

Sometimes Clary felt that she was that sun. Trying to push through her fears, her depression, anguish to a better side. Yet each time something else would happen, something else would push her back. It was like taking one step forward and two steps back.

She headed out to the bench, the one that was by the river. Sitting down on the damp wood she let a few stray tears run down her cheek. She quickly wiped them away, she couldn't be seen crying.

It was only the first day back at school and already she had too much on her mind.

Her brother was in hospital and she hoped he would pull through. The army hadn't said much, just that he was injured. She still wondered why he joined the army. At first she thought it was his way of coping with Dad's death, but then she realised that maybe he wanted to die. Maybe he wanted to join their Dad in heaven and escape all the crap down here.

Another pressing matter on her mind was Ben. She and Ben had been the perfect couple for about 8 months. Everyone looked up to them, they were the couple others aspired to be like. He was a soccer god at the school, a brilliant sportsman with a kind heart and an optimistic attitude. She was the arty type, winning drawing awards and an academic over achiever. They were both generous, sweet, helping and loving. She had loved Ben so much. There was a bond between them, both of them had each other and that was all they needed. Until Ben got an offer at Footie Fame. She was so happy, so proud, yet she couldn't help but be angry with the universe. That after everything that had happened she had finally gotten something steady, a good rock in her life and then he had to go.

They never really spoke about what was going to happen to their relationship, it was almost given that they would take a break. They could see other people. Yet now he was back, and kissed her. What did that mean? That they were back together? Or was it just a welcome back, I missed you kind of kiss? She was so confused. How was she supposed to act around him? Was she still supposed to go to his matches, support him at his games?

"Urgh!" Clary groaned, her hands fisted in her hair.

"Something wrong?" a voice asked from behind her. Her heart rate increased, but she knew who is was.

She turned around and tried to crack a smile, failing dismally. "No, every thing's just peachy." She couldn't help but add some sarcasm into the statement.

Jace chuckled, the sound pleased her. She looked at him properly. He was wearing track pants with a white wife beater that clung to his body. His abs were defined, ridges of pure muscle. His mouth cocked in a usually smirk and his golden locks hung loosely around his face, dripping with sweat. By the looks of it he had been running.

"Are you checking me out Miss. Morgenstern?" he asked in a joking voice.

Clary blushed, realising that she had in fact been checking him out. "No, of course." she answered indignantly, her red face betraying her. He chuckled again.

"Don't worry, it's human nature to admire beauty."

She scoffed, "Beauty hey?"

His eyes widened, "What you don't think this," he gestured to himself, "Is beauty."

Clary rolled her eyes, "I think _that_ is an ass."

He smiled and sat down next to her, "Being an ass rocks, especially if you have an ass like mine." he winked.

She couldn't help but laugh, shaking her head at him. "You are such a womaniser!"

He shrugged, "I do what I can."

"You went for a run?" she asked, trying to change the subject.

"Yep. You?"

"Couldn't sleep, just drawing."

He raised his eye brows, "You an artist." Clary shrugged. He nodded, "That's cool I guess."

"What about you?"

"What about me?"

"I mean," Clary explained, "What is your forte?"

"Soccer."

"Really," she asked, not that surprised. Angel Academy was known for its sports. He just nodded. They fell into silence, but like last night it was comfortable, neither of them needing to speak.

Suddenly _Just the Way You Are by Bruno Mars_ erupted into the silence. Clary jumped, dropping her sketch pad and pencils. She answered her phone quickly.

"Yeah Iz? Oh, okay I'll be there now, sorry I forgot. Yeah okay Iz, meet you in five... Uhm my room? - Okay bye."

She heard Jace chuckling, "What?"

He shook his head, "No, just that song,_ seriously?_ It's such a chick song."

Clary just laughed and bent down to pick up her things. Jace leant down to help. She couldn't help but breathe in his scent. He smelt like lime and sunshine, its washed over her calming her.

Everything was picked up except her sketchpad, they both leaned down to it and their fingers touched, nothing special. But when their fingers touched a jolt of electricity ran up Clary's arm and warmed her. The warmth burst into her chest, causing her cheeks to flame and her breathing to increase. All from a little touch.

Jace also seemed to freeze but quickly recovered. Picking up her sketch pad he began flipping through it.

"Hey!" Clary raised her voice. "Don't look, it's personal"

Jace just raised an eyebrow and looked at her, "You're really good you know," he said seriously.

Clary tried to snatch the book away but Jace held it just out of her reach still looking. Clary could feel tears stinging the back of her eyes. Her sketch pad was her diary, her journal, it was personal. More importantly she didn't need some gorgeous, self-absorbed ass looking at it.

"Jace..." Clary said, her voice a threatening whisper, but you could hear the tears about to fall.

He looked up, almost surprised at her reaction, that it meant so much to her. He handed it back as the first tear fell.

"Hey, hey Clary I'm sorry, I didn't know it meant that much," Jace said quietly, leaning down to wipe a tear off her cheek with his thumb. Clary just sniffed, secretly enjoying the touch of his hand on her face.

"It's okay, its just like I'm baring my soul on these pages,"she took a deep breath, a new waves of tears threatening to break free. "And, I don't like people looking."

Jace looked at her with such sincerity that her breath hitched. Maybe she had miss judged him and he wasn't this cruel jack ass she thought he was. His eyes were in deep thought, looking into hers and his hands still on her face. She put her hands on his cheeks, almost naturally.

"I'm so sorry Clary," he voice soft, so soft that she might have missed it.

Clary was unsure of what to do next, was she supposed to agree, or say okay, she thought looking at his lips, kiss him. _Hold up_ a voice in her head said, _kiss him? Where did that come from?_

Quickly Clary removed her hands from his cheek and smiled, putting her hands on her hips. "Did Jace Herondale just say sorry?"

Jace looked at her weirdly, an emotion she couldn't quite place flickered behind his eyes. Then he smirked, "You better not tell any one Lil Miss Sassy." He removed his hands from her face and stuffed them into his pocket.

Clary immediately missed the warmth of his hands on her face and almost leaned into his hands as they moved away.

"Lil Miss Sassy? Where did that come from?" she asked, a smile playing on her lips.

Jace pretended to wonder for a moment before saying, "You are a sassy one Clary Morgenstern, believe it or not." His voice was rough and soft.

Clary giggled, "And I'll say it again, you are a Womaniser Jace Herondale."

"I know, and damn don't the ladies like it." He said with a wink.

She chuckled and shook her head in disbelief, "Well I gotta go, see you later," she said awkwardly, unsure of whether to hug him or wave or something. Instead she just smiled and walked away, grinning at her interesting morning.

"Oh my gosh! Clary where have you been? We only have like an hour before breakfast and you promised I could dress you!" Isabelle exclaimed, seeing Clary walk into the girls' dorm,a smile on her face.

"Sorry Iz, I woke early and went for a walk," Clary said, laughing at Izzy's panic.

"Oh, well come come we don't have much time."

So an hour later Clary stood in front of the mirror. She could barely recognise herself, the shy, calm, self-concious girl she really was. Whenever Iz dressed her she seemed to inject her with self-confidence, because she always became wild and fiery. Except for this morning, when she was sassy all by herself...with Jace.

Isabelle had dress her in a short denim skirt with a loose green top that matched her eyes. She had white pumps and a small white denim blazer over her top. Her hair had been straightened and hung long and loose across her shoulders ending just below her bra line. Her big denim school bag hung over her shoulder fashionably and her make-up was minimal yet enhanced all her features.

Just then the breakfast bell rung and Isabelle rushed back into her room, dressed in a short white dress and purple gladiators with a purple school bag.

"You ready Clary?" she asked excited to see everyone.

"Yep," Clary said smiling. It was time to socialize. Yay! Not.

They met Simon at the entrance and they walked in, almost every one they passed said hello and smiled. Except for a group of girls, Aline, Kaelie and Brittany. Those girls hated Clary and Isabelle, without a reason.

When the trio sat down at their usual table they noticed the whole gang was there, with an addition. Jace sat opposite Clary, laughing at something Alec said. Most of the girls were shooting him sexy looks and Aline even winked when she walked by to which Jace raised his eyebrows appraisingly at her ass.

"Morning guys!" Isabelle called out, shifting the attention to them, as usual.

"Hey!" Everyone chorused back.

"Morning Sassy," Jace said, causing everyone to look at Clary.

Clary blushed at the attention and then glanced at Jace. He had a flirty smirk on his face and his hair was wet from a shower. He was wearing a t shirt with jeans that looked great on him. His eyes sparkled with amusement at the nickname and Clary couldn't help hut smirk too.

"Morning Womaniser," Clary said, "Looks like you already started fishing in the pond." She jerked her thumb at Aline.

Jace shrugged, "Well lets hope they are all as feisty as you," he said with a wink.

Clary could feel everyone's eyes on her and Isabelle's elbow digging into her ribs. She took a big bite out of her apple, "Well you'll have to find out." She raised her eyebrows.

"Find out what?" a voice from Clary's shoulder called. Ben. Everyone had seen Ben at dinner the night before but she hadn't been there and every one was quiet waiting to see how they acted together. Clary smiled, "Jace just wanted to know how feisty I was in bed," She said casually causing everyone to snicker and Jace to chuckle.

Ben raised his eyebrows, "Well I can tell you Jace, very feisty," he said with a wink. Clary mock gasped and hit him lightly on the arm, "That was a national secret Ben!"

Ben laughed, "Oh sorry Clare." He bent down and gave a small kiss on the cheek, "Morning," he whispered.

Clary kissed his cheek, noticing how easy it was to be with Ben again. It was like falling back in routine and right now routine was something she needed.

Alec cleared his throat, "Clary sorry I gotta run to Mrs. Sanders before the bell, can you just introduce Jace to everyone and take him to his home room?" he asked.

Jace looked annoyed at this, "Alec I do not need to be baby sat, I'm a big boy."

Clary laughed, "I don't doubt you are Jace," she sad with a wink, "But a little help is always nice." Jace looked like he was going to say something when Clary stood up quickly.

"Well Jace, this is Ben," she pointed at Ben.

"Clary's boyfriend," Ben said with a smile. Jace nodded, "Ben."

"That's Isabelle and Simon. That's Alec."

"I know Clary," Jace said with some impatience.

She smiled, "That's Maia," she pointed at a large built girl, with thick curly brown hair and a big smile. "That's Chris," she pointed at a tall, blonde boy with blue eyes, who winked at Clary. "That's Sebastian, who you have met and that's Jessica." She pointed at a slightly plumpish,short girl, with hazel eyes and platinum blonde hair. "This," she to gestured to him, "Is Jace."

Everyone chorused hello's and soon they fell into the usual questions of summer break.

"Clary," Sebastian called out.

"Yeah Seb?"

"Are you and Iz going to come watch soccer trials?" he asked.

Clary glanced at Iz who nodded excitedly, "Sure. Hey Jess and Maia, wanna come?" They both smiled and accepted.

All the boys smiled, "See you there lovely," Ben said as he kissed her cheek, leaving for class. She waved as everyone left, one by one. Jace waited until Clary finished her apple and they headed off to class.

Clary couldn't help but felt a little nervous being left with Jace after the little flirting session at breakfast but soon realised he treated all the girls that way. "What home class are you in?" she asked.

Jace looked at his class schedule, "Uh Mrs. Aldertree."

Clary smiled, "Cool me too." She bounded forwards towards the class, still getting a chorus of smiles and hello's from teachers and students alike leaving Jace wondering why this girl made him so intrigued.

Maybe it was her spunk, maybe her smile, maybe her looks. He couldn't place it. All he knew was that under that façade of perfection and false happiness was a different person, someone that may not be accepted, someone she felt the need to hide. Something he could relate to. Yet that person underneath, fascinated him. So with a chuckle he followed the sassy little red head.


	3. Soccer Trials

_Maybe it was her spunk, maybe her smile, maybe her looks. He couldn't place it. All he knew was that under that façade of perfection and false happiness was a different person, someone that may not be accepted, someone she felt the need to hide. Something he could relate to. Yet that person underneath, fascinated him. So with a chuckle he followed the sassy little red head. _

Clary squinted into the sun, enjoying the rays warming her. She lay with Iz, Jess and Maia, sitting in the middle of them half-heartedly listening to Izzy complain about French.

"My god, Mr. Vern was so funny Clary! He made Jace say hello to everyone in French, you know, thinking he would fail but Jace did the whole thing in fluent French! Mr. Vern looked ready to kill something!"

Clary sat up a little straighter to listen about Jace. He had been on her mind the whole day, something she was _not _willing to share, but she felt like she had some kind of connection with him, like they understood each other. It was like he could see through the forced smiles to the scared girl underneath. Plus, she was in most of his classes except for French and art.

He had teased her for being so smart, because she was in all the ap classes with the grade above her. Which wasn't odd because everyone in their little group had ap classes. It was something that made them so 'perfect'.

"Clary? Hello, earth to Clary!" Iz said, waving a hand in front of her face. "The boys are out of the change room time to check out the hotties," she said, smiling coyly.

Clary looked at Jess and Maia with an amused expression and the girls burst out giggling. She looked out at the field seeing uniform clad boys running out. She was so comfortable here, this was her place, her hang-out. She couldn't count the times she had waited and watched Ben.

She always had a thing for their soccer uniforms. So when she saw Ben she couldn't help but grin and blow him a kiss plus a thumbs up.

Ben whispered something to the coach and quickly ran up the grand stand to the girls.

"Hey babe," he said, giving Clary a hug.

"Hey Ben, good luck!"

"Thanks girls," he said leaning in and giving her a tender kiss.

When their lips touched she felt the same old spark she always felt with Ben. It was a reminder of the hot flames they used to have. The spark travelled from her lips to her chest and died into a comfortable smoulder. This was always how it had been with Ben, a small fire of love and passion. Nothing too big or out of control. Always there, but small and smoking.

Ben slowly bit her bottom lip and she opened her mouth to his. His tongue darted in and they kissed with routine. Their tongues falling back into the same pattern.

Someone cleared their throat and they pulled apart.

"Chastler! I don't want any pda on my time, boy! Now come down here and show me what that fancy Canadian school showed you!" Coach Stevens called out.

Clary blushed and Ben chuckled, they had been caught kissing by the Coach many times, each time a little more embarrassing than before.

"Coming Coach!" Ben called winking at Clary and then running down to the field.

Damn, Clary thought, why does he have to look so good in his soccer kit?

Just then Sebastian shouted out with Simon, Chris and Jace standing next to him. They all waved and the girls shouted good luck. Clary couldn't help but stare at Jace. Her breath hitched when she saw him. If she thought Ben looked good, Jace looked like a god.

Izzy gave a small whistle, "Herondale is a fine piece of soccer ass."

Jess giggled, "Well, he is a player... Undateable. What a shame."

Maia hi fived her, "Sadly, 'tis true."

Clary just stared and as if he could feel her gaze he looked up and smiled, she felt her heart jump and her face warm up. Suddenly she was very conscious of how she looked. Iz had made her change into very, _very _low riding yoga pants and a tight purple tank that was slightly short so it showed off a line of tanned, toned skin.

"Clarissa!" Coach Stevens called out, breaking her from her reverie.

"Yeah Coach?" She yelled back. The whole soccer team was looking at her but she didn't feel the least bit exposed.

"You still doing first aid?"

She nodded, "And reffing."

"Brilliant, I have a feeling this is gonna be a rough trial. Might need you."

Clary smiled. She had done a first aid course after Jon had gotten hurt at one of his games and there was no one to help him. He also taught her how to ref and the Coach used her frequently.

The boys got their positions, Ben goalie, Jace centre forward, Seb left wing, Si right wing and Chris defender.

Jace and Chris were on the shirts team and the others on skins. Clary couldn't help but wish Jace was on skins...Yum!

The game had started and the girls sat watching tensely. Ben was a brilliant soccer player, Clary knew that. Best on the team, but Jace... he was amazing. He was lithe and fast. It was like he was dancing. His skill was amazing and she could see his muscles rippling as he passed to a team mate.

Her Blackberry beeped and Clary found she had a message from her mother saying she would call her later. She looked up in time to see Jace looking at her, toeing the ball looking for a break in the defence. She smiled at him and he winked back. Suddenly he skidded forward in order to kick the ball into the net. Ben skidded forward to prevent it. Only to see Ben's cleats connect with Jace's face and hear the crack of a bone.

JPOV

Turns out she's smart too. Yep, she is in almost all of his classes, even though he is a year older than her.

Is there anything she isn't good at?

Oh wait, _and_ she does first aid _and_ refs for soccer... God, did she not have a flaw? Jace thought while he was playing.

Clary had been on his mind most of the day. It amazed him how she looked and acted so happy and funny in front of her friends and class mates, but he knew there was a sadder person beneath it all. He had seen that person.

He wasn't sure if he should be insulted or honoured that she didn't have a façade with him...

Shit, he passed to a fellow team mate and ran forward to an opening on the field.

When he had seen Clary on the bench he had felt all warm and happy. It was weird. A feeling that was quite new to him and he couldn't help but be very conscious that she was watching him. Right now.

He got the ball from the left forward and stood in the centre of the field looking for a way through. He glanced up at Clary, who looked back and smiled encouragingly. He winked and decided to quickly slide forward to toe the ball into the bottom right corner of the net. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Ben doing the same thing to stop the ball from going in. Except the ball was at Jace's feet... Not his head.

He saw cleats near him and felt a wave of pain, a crunch of bone and felt warm liquid cover his face. Oh yeah... and lots more pain.

BenPOV

It was good to be back. To be with the gang, the team. With Clary.

She was just as he remembered, a petite porcelain doll with fire red hair. It felt so good to have her tucked under is arm, her lips under his.

But this Jace fellow seemed suspicious. Sure, Jace was a good guy with mad soccer skills, but there was something about the way he looked at Clary, and the way she looked at him. Like they had a secret to share, or they knew something about each other. It bothered him.

So when Jace was standing there, looking for a way forward through Ben's impenetrable defence, Jace had looked at Clary, she had smiled and Jace had winked. He had winked at her! Ben felt surge of anger, jealousy to be exact, flow through him.

Jace was basically flirting with _his_ girl, in front of him! When Jace made a dive for the ball Ben forgot all about soccer, all about the rules, the sportsmanship, the coach or the ref. He focused on the blonde haired boy in front of him and skidded into his face.

He felt his cleats dig into the soft skin and a bone break under the pressure. Drops of scarlet liquid sprayed onto his shirt and he felt himself roughly pulled up, a small smile on his face.

CPOV

She jumped forward when she saw the blood, she heard Iz give a little cry and Jess suck in a deep breath.

"Jace!" Clary cried, grabbing the first aid kit and running on the field.

Chris and another team mate were helping him up and he was protesting loudly.

"Guys, I'm fine, just let go!"

Seb and Simon had pulled up Ben who didn't look the least bit remorseful and she was surprised. Ben was usually helping anyone he hurt and apologizing profusely.

Jace was still protesting but he couldn't see properly due to the blood from a gash on his hair line.

"Boys, bring him to the bench," she commanded.

"Jace! Damn are you okay?" The coach asked, worried.

"He'll be fine," Clary assured him.

The Coach nodded, cursing under his breath. "Okay Clary, you sort him out, I gotta get back to trials."

They seated Jace at the bottom of the grandstand and he smiled weakly at Clary, "Listen Clary, I'm fine! No need to do first aid or whatever. I just need a shower."

Clary cocked a brow, "Yeah sure you do you asshole! God, just let me help you," she demanded. She felt angry now. Why wouldn't he just let someone help him? He couldn't survive all on his own!

"No Clary, I don't need help!"

"Why Jace? Why the hell can't you just let someone help you? You can't do everything yourself!" She cried, she knew the team was watching even though they were playing and she could feel Isabelle's stare on her shoulder.

Jace looked up at her, pride in his eyes. "Yes, I can Clary, I need to..." He dropped his head into his hands, defeated. Blood was still running from his gash and stained his hands.

Clary knelt down in front of him, between his legs. She reached forward and put her fingers under his chin. The feel of his skin sent a shiver through her body. Jace looked up and her hand fluttered to his cut, pushing stray curls aside.

"No, you don't have to do everything yourself... Let me help," she whispered and stared into his eyes. She forgot the team of soccer players watching them, or her best friend, or her _boyfriend_ in the goals. She focused on his eyes and saw the hardness fall away to reveal someone in pain. Both physically and emotionally.

He nodded.

JPOV

Her hands were soft as they cleaned his cuts and wiped the blood away.

She looked so worried, her eyes focused in concentration, she bit her lip every few seconds. She applied some steri-strips to the big cut on his forehead.

"You sure I'm not hurting you?"she asked concern laced her voice.

He smiled, he couldn't help it, she looked so adorable. He was glad he had let her help him, he was enjoying the feel of her fingers caressing his face.

"Sure," he said. She gave him a nervous smile back.

"Okay, well your cuts are cleaned up. Are you sure you're not hurt anywhere else? 'Cause I'm pretty sure I heard few bones break," she said putting all the blood stained equipment into a plastic bag.

He smiled again, "sure Clary." Trying to be reassuring, she was wringing her hands, unsure of what to do next. He grabbed her hands and squeezed them, "Clary, relax I'm fine."

He was surprised at his display of affection. Although he was lying, he could feel one of his ribs was cracked, but it was healing already. He was a fast healer, always had been.

She took a deep breath in, "Okay well go and get some rest and we'll see how you feel at dinner."

Jace chuckled, "Yes Ma'am."

Clary rolled her eyes, "By the way you did real good out there." She jerked her thumb behind her where the boys were doing a cool down.

He ducked his head in thanks, "Let's just hope you did real good on me too, I need this face you now."

She giggled and stood up, her hands on her hips, "ah, ever the Womanizer."

He shrugged, enjoying their playful banter, "what can I say, I don't want to let you down."

She sighed, "see you at dinner."

"Hey, aren't you going to help me up?" He asked, feigning a hurt expression.

Clary pretended to think about it, "nah, I'm good," she giggled. She walked away to Isabelle who was eyeing Jace wearily. As soon as Clary sat down he jumped up, he needed to get back and wrap his ribs before they set wrong.

CPOV

She sat on the stands, staring at the field, not taking in the scene. Iz was chattering into her ear about how odd she and Jace had looked together.

She shrugged, secretly scared that Isabelle had noticed. Tending to Jace had been an experience, they had done their little playful banter and all, but every time she touched him his skin sent a little spark up her arm. She constantly looked at his face for any kind of sign that he felt something too, but there was none.

Now that he was gone, taking his scent and touch with him she felt like she could think clearly.

Clary sat there wondering about the 'accident'. How did a famous soccer star like Ben miss someone's feet and hit their head? Especially if that person was as tall as Jace. That was a big difference. She sat there chewing her lip, thinking of the different reasons. When she reached a conclusion she sighed, getting ready to go do some homework while the team cooled down.

Her conclusion?

Well, she really didn't like it.

**A/N: Hey guys, I'm back! I wrote quite a bit in India and I have to head off to school tomorrow :( so my updating might slow down... Hope you liked the chapter. Please review :) and thank you Namington! My lovely beta :) xx**


	4. When I Look at You

_She sat there chewing her lip, thinking of the different reasons. When she reached a conclusion she sighed, getting ready to go do some homework while the team cooled down. _

_Her conclusion? _

_Well, she really didn't like it. _

Clary stood outside Ben's room, pacing back and forth trying to deal with her internal struggle.

When she thought about the accident that happened today at soccer trials she couldn't help but take Ben's rude attitude and huge miss in mind. Whenever she tried to dismiss it as an accident a small voice in her mind would utter those two facts and she would find herself rethinking her view of things.

So here she was, wondering on whether to confront her loving boyfriend or walk away. Well, she wasn't a quitter or a coward.

She took a deep breath and knocked on the door. She heard some scuffling and then an adorably wet Ben wrapped in a towel as standing in front of her.

He cocked his head at her and grinned, "Clare? What's up babe?"

She smiled back, twirling a rogue curl around her finger, "Hey Ben, can I speak to you for a little?"

"Sure babe, come on in."

She walked in. Ben had a room that he shared with Sebastian. Their room was a typical boys room, clothes lying on the floor, the desk scattered with papers and magazines and the beds unmade.

She made her way to the black beanbag at the foot of Ben's bed and plonked herself down with a sigh. Ben looked at her curiously.

"You okay Clare?"

She looked up at him reluctantly. When she thought of the game she couldn't help but see the image of a bloody Jace and a sneering Ben. The only explanation she could come up with is he had done it on purpose, for whatever reason.

"Well... Yeah I needed to ask you something."

"Sure Clare, what's wrong?" Ben asked slipping boxers on under his towel.

"Um..." she started hesitantly, what if she was just over analyzing everything. What if Ben really did just make a mistake? She would come across as such a bad girlfriend, one that thought the worse of her boyfriend. One that took the 'other' guy's side. Untrusting and unworthy... Was it worth it?

"Uh," she cleared her throat, "Did you kick Jace in the face on purpose today?" She said quickly, already cringing for the response.

Ben stood still for a minute, this was _clearly_ not what he expected, astonishment was written across his face. He quickly smoothed it over.

"Uhm... No Clare. Why would I?" He asked sounding more curious than angry.

Clary felt it right then, that guilt. It was right there hovering above her. She had just accused her boyfriend, her loving boyfriend of kicking another guy in the face. She had just done that. She felt her cheeks heat up at the embarrassment and pure hopelessness of the situation.

"Ben I'm so sorry! I don't even know what I was thinking... I mean I knew you were – I mean, you are – really good. So when you missed I was just like shocked. And then you didn't say anything and stuff... So I just assumed the worst. Which I shouldn't have! Ag, I'm so so sorry Ben. Shit! I just accused you, _you_, of hurting someone... On purpose. I must have been smoking something! Except I wasn't, then I came here and just aske-"

"Clary," Ben said, gently shaking her by the shoulders, "It's fine."

She shook her head, "No it's not!" She said furiously, "I'm so sorry! What can I do to make it up to you?"

He chuckled, his hands sliding down to her waist and lifting her up. He ran a finger over her cheek causing her to blush even more. She lent into the touch and breathed him in. Home.

He dragged a finger across her collar bone and she closed her eyes, her forehead on his shoulder. She felt so relaxed, so normal. His finger moved to her chin and he whispered in her ear, "I can think of a few things..."

His breath tickled her and she moved back to kiss him. Their kisses all tender and sweet, like they were testing where they stood with each other.

She ran her hands through his wet hair, she grabbed a chunk and pulled gently. Ben's hands ran up and down her arms and he deepened the kiss, their tongues touched.

He picked her up, causing her to gasp and started kissing her face and neck as he lowered her on the bed. They hadn't had a proper make-out session since he had left and yet she could still anticipate his moves. She knew he loved it when she tugged his hair and he loved to hear her moan. He knew the soft spot at the base of her neck and he knew she loved the feeling of his hands roaming her back. They just knew each other that well.

His hands were up her shirt, spread across her back, her legs still wrapped tightly around his waist... When the door opened.

Someone started to speak... Their voice dying down.

Clary let go of Ben, breathing fast and hard. Her top had ridden up to exposing her whole stomach and her hair was hanging limply out of her bun.

She looked to the door to see who is was. Ben had moved to the edge of the bed, his boxers riding low. She saw who it was.

Jace.

Sure she had been caught many times making out with Ben, by most of the boys in the dorm actually. They all joked and kidded with her about it but aside from the initial blush she never really felt embarrassed about it. Even when Chris had walked in on her with no bra on.

So why was it, that when Jace walked in asking Ben a question which had died on his lips when he had seen them. Jace had simply cocked a brow and said, "Well your busy, I'll come by later," and had walked out.

She thought the embarrassment would fade like it always did. It hadn't. She had rushed out of Ben's room muttering something about English, her face still tomato red.

But it was dinner time now and she was still sitting at the bench by the lake, not really hungry, but still a whole lot embarrassed. She felt ashamed to have been caught making out with her boyfriend. What was wrong with her and why was it that whenever she thought of Jace's reaction she wished he had looked hurt or... Jealous?

She was _clearly_ messed up!

Clary sighed and fiddled with her I-pod, changing the song to Miley Cyrus's _When I Look at You_ **(Please listen to song now!)**. This song had always been one of her Dad's favourites. They had played it at the funeral. It always bought an air of sadness with it, but constantly reminded her of him. Her protector. She had yet to find a person that made her feel as sheltered, as loved as her Dad had.

Jon had been that person afterwards and now he was gone... Hurt, injured.

She felt a warm hand on her shoulder that sent small shock waves through her body. She knew who it was.

She kept her eyes closed, enjoying the warmth the touch bought. She felt his presence in front of her, kneeling down. He put a hand gently on her cheek, as if to see how she would react. His hand seemed to warm her soul. His thumb grazed her cheek wiping away the tears she didn't recall falling.

She was too lost in the sorrow and sadness of her life. The loss that had left chunks of pieces missing and her broken.

She had used Jonathan as an anchor that kept her from slipping into the deep abyss below, and now he too was almost gone. She couldn't bare the thought of loosing him too, she had to have him there or else she would surely wither away.

Her Mum had never really been there after her Dad passed... Jocelyn had thrown herself into her painting, her coping mechanism but she had left her daughter to deal with the tragedy herself.

Clary had come back to school, her friends loyal and sweet. They swamped her, trying to be there to comfort her. But she had never felt more alone in a crowd before. They didn't get her... She had to keep up a façade of perfection around them, there was no one she could truly be herself around.

With her group and their reputation she couldn't have a bad day, she couldn't give in to the days when she just wanted to crawl back into bed and cry. She wasn't allowed the luxury of being able to show, to express her pain and suffering because then she wouldn't be perfect.

Jace slowly removed her earphones, but she could still hear the song playing. He had both hands on her face now, slowly wiping away the tears that carried on falling.

She pursed her lips to keep the sobs in, her whole body shaking in pain and anguish.

Shh... Shh Clary, it's alright," Jace murmured in her ears. His voice washed over her like an anaesthetic and her sobs subsided slightly. The pain was still there, raw and fresh.

She felt herself being picked up and seated on his lap. Their bodies touched in so many different places that she shivered with warmth.

His arms encircled her tiny frame and her nuzzled his face into her hair. She reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck, settling her face in the crook of his neck.

She already felt better, his breath caressing her cheeks as he whispered sweet nothings into her ear and she was totally engulfed by him. His smell was intoxicating, sunshine and lime, his skin so smooth.

He was soothing her pain, numbing the loss. His arms, his voice, his skin, his smell made her feel safer than when she was with her entire group of friends. His touch calmed her instantly and his whispers instilled trust.

Just as she was drifting off into the blackness, this one due to exhaustion she sneaked a blurry peak at him, only to see his tawny eyes staring right back. They were looking right into her soul. As the last words of the song drifted into the night, "_You appear just like a dream to me..._" She couldn't help but think that maybe... _Just_ maybe, he did.


	5. Plague

**A/N: OK I have decided this whole third person isn't working! Back to first person :P**

_Just as she was drifting off into the blackness, this one due to exhaustion she sneaked a blurry peak at him, only to see his tawny eyes staring right back. They were looking right into her soul. As the last words of the song drifted into the night, "You appear just like a dream to me..." She couldn't help but think that maybe... Just maybe, he did._

**Meet me at the field after school – J**

That's what the text said, nothing else. I was actually quite clueless as to whom it was from before it hit me.

Jace.

I took a deep breath. The sky was an ominous grey and the huge thunder clouds suggested I turn back and head to my room to curl up with a good book. I blew out the shaky breath when I saw the dark figure. He was running to the goal, the ball between his nimble feet. He ran forward and drew back his right leg. Thack! The ball lifted in the air and soared into the goals causing the nets to swish back and forth.

"Jace?" I called out, my voice sounding terribly timid over the roaring winds.

His head whipped around, those beautiful golden locks cascading over his forehead. He jogged over, panting slightly and gave me a tight nod.

"Uhm..." I started, unsure of what to say, "So what's up?"

Jace's eyes widened and his mouth lifted in a sneer. "What's up Clary? Really? That's all you have to say? Unbelievable."

"Jace? What the hell! You called me here remember."

He chuckled humorlessly, "Oh that's right Clary, I had to text you in order for you to talk to me."

My mouth opened to defend myself but closed quickly when I realised he was correct. I was speechless. He smiled sourly.

"Clary ever since Monday night after the trials you have been avoiding me like the plague! The fucking black plague Clary!" He shook his head angrily and took a deep breath new emotions lighting up his eyes. Worry and hurt.

"Did I do something wrong Clary? Should I have said something else, gotten someone? Please Clary, tell me if I did something wrong." Jace lowered his voice, his hands had reached out and grabbed mine sometime during the confession and accusation.

I tried to ignore the sparks the touch sent up my arm. Instead I concentrated on the real reason I had been avoiding him.

The truth was that he had done everything perfectly! He had calmed me like no-one else, and I had loved it but the fact that someone, even if that someone was Jace, had seen me weak. He had seen me in my weakest moment, all my walls had been let down and he had seen the completely imperfect girl underneath. I couldn't tell him that, that would cause another sad soppy breakdown that just showed fragility and vulnerability.

I cleared my throat, "I just...um," Jace looked at me, raising a perfect eyebrow, "I just thought – you know – that it was very, um, intimate." It had started to rain slightly now, but Jace looked too shocked to care.

"What?" he asked, his t-shirt sticking quite delectably to his muscular abs.

"Well, it was really intimate, and I, erm, I didn't want you to get the – the wrong idea. Yeah the wrong idea. I mean I have a-a boyfriend and, um, I'm not going to give up Ben for someone- well for, urm, you."_ What the fuck Clary?_ I thought to myself.

I had just blurted out the first thing that came to mind and due to Jace looking all intently at me I couldn't help but remember the intimacy of that evening. The way our bodies had been pressed close. I shivered at the memory. Luckily it was raining freely now, my hair sticking uncomfortably to my face.

"You thought I was trying to hook-up or get with you Clary?" He asked, his voice laced with anger and surprise. "Am I that much of a player to you? That I would try flirt with a girl that has a boyfriend and obviously some personal issues! You thought I was trying to get up close with you while you were snotting up my shirt! Seriously Clary? I thought you were better than that, better than those girls who thought everyone wanted them. Well you've got it wrong Clary because believe it or not, not every guy falls for you! Did it ever cross your mind that I just wanted to relax by the lake and I come across some nut job crying her heart out! You know what Clary, next time you decide to break down, do it when I'm not around!"

I looked up at him, his breathing hard and a small sob escaped my lips. He was right of course. As much as it hurt, everything he said was right. I had come across as a vain selfish bitch and now he definitely put an end to our friendship. I couldn't see him any more, the rain was mixing with my tears blurring my vision. I could actually feel a tug of pain in my stomach, knowing that the one person who had actually seen me in my saddest state, hated me.

I sniffed, and raised my head giving him a sharp nod. Taking a deep breath I hitched my bag higher on my shoulder and turned quickly praying I didn't trip over the muddy grass.

I heard Jace utter a quick curse behind me and the another _thack_ of someone kicking a soccer ball. I hurried to my dorm, my light blue sun dress sticking to my body and my fire red hair slicked over my face.

I shoved past more than three first years, not caring that they all exclaimed in surprise and anger, then quieted down when they saw who it was.

I dumped my bag on the bed and ran to the bathroom. My mascara was running down my face, my curls stuck to my cheeks and my eyes red and puffy. I sighed.

"I need a shower pronto."

JPOV

When I saw her at dinner she was wearing a pale grey cashmere sweater with a pair of black ripped jeans. She looked ready to hit the clubs at this rate, until I saw what everyone else was jibbing her about. She was wearing the yellowest pair of welling-tons I have ever seen. They had _Spongebob_ plastered all over them.

Suddenly someone poked me in the ribs.

"Ouch!"

"Oh, get over it Herondale! Come one let's get a move on," Isabelle said her face lit up with amusement. I saw behind her Simon had the same knowing smile plastered on his face.

We neared the table and I suddenly felt like running away, I had basically called Clary a selfish bitch and that I hated her... Now I was going to eat dinner with her and her friends.

I heard her giggle, it was so fake I was surprised Ben didn't jump up and ask what was wrong. Instead he looked up at her and gave her a kiss on the cheek, laughing with her. That's what baffled me the most, these people vowed they were her closest friends, _she_ vowed were her closet friends but they couldn't even see when she was sad nor happy.

I shook my head as I sat down, I really shouldn't be pitying her. I mean she had accused me of coming onto her, while she was crying and had a boyfriend. Sure, I liked girls a lot, but come on even _I _had boundaries. What hurt the most was that I thought she had seen past that stigma that came with my good looks, I though for a second she actually saw... Well me. Turns out I just came across as overly flirty and touchy.

"I saw you ogling her Jace, you better watch it," Simon whispered in my ear as he walked past to sit by Isabelle. I scoffed and shook my head at him.

The table quietened down for a minute or two as Isabelle and Simon took a seat next to Clary.

The two girls immediately began to chatter softly, with Simon adding in a word here or there. The three of them looked like siblings, the way Isabelle giggled at Clary and then blushed when Simon winked at her. Clary pinched his cheek and they broke into another round of giggles.

"So guys," Ben called loudly across the table, the whole cafeteria actually quieted down at his voice.

Clary cocked her head in his direction, subtly glancing at me and then downing the rest of her water.

"Yeah Ben?" Isabelle asked.

"There is the yearly student night at the Pandemonium this Saturday. We're all going to go right?" He posed it as a question, but it was taken for granted that everyone was now going.

"What's the Pandemonium?" I asked, feeling very out of the loop.

Maia giggled, "The Pandemonium is this hot little club just ten minutes from here and all the boarding schools around here come for student night," She broke off, a sly grin lit up her face, "_And..._ Jake is going to be there!" She turned to look at Clary, who suddenly looked panicked.

_Jake?_

Ben seemed to have a similar look of confusion on his face. "Wait Maia, do you mean Jake Gold? The centre forward for The Bears?" he asked.

Maia nodded and giggled, "Yeah and last year for the Christmas party, Clary here got a little tipsy and ended up making out with him! Didn't you Clary?" she asked, looking at a now beetroot red Clary.

_She looks cute when she's blushing..._

"What!" Ben shouted, looking slightly enraged. He turned to Clary and shook his head slightly, "What?" he asked in a lower voice. "Is it true?"

Clary bit her lip and her eyes darted to Isabelle who smiled meekly, "Um... yeah." She looked down at her lap suddenly very interested in her hands.

Ben blew out a breath and ran his hands through his hair, I personally was finding this all very amusing.

"Well, isn't this surprising. The cutie pie nun has actually done something bad," I said smirking slightly.

Ben lifted his head and glared at me, Simon just shook his head and Clary bit her lip again.

"Well actually she hasn't because her and Ben weren't together last year. She was a free woman and believe it or not, but she fights off so many boys every night I was surprised she only got with one!" Isabelle said, lifting her chin and glaring me in the eyes.

I shrugged, "Whatever, I gotta go. Come on Alec." I stood up and saw Alec getting up too. This was all a bit too much drama for me. Not that I was surprised, drama followed Clarissa Fray everywhere.

CPOV

I walked back to my room with Isabelle and Simon on either side of me. I was so confused. So angry at myself for rudely shutting Jace out, when he was truly the only person I had ever felt so comfortable with, but right now I was finding it even more hard to be able to feel sorry for him.

_Maia_. The whole thing with Jake made my bad day ten times worse. I knew Ben wasn't happy with it, I knew he was pissed that I had made out with another guy. The fact that the other guy was on of his biggest rivals made him even more upset.

He kept telling me it was okay, that I was, as Iz put it 'a free woman' at that time, but I knew it wasn't. Saturday was going to be awkward and a tug of war between Jake and Ben. Knowing Jake he would come up to me just to rub it in Ben's face.

Thinking about that I suddenly felt a bit sick.

"Hey, don't worry Clary, Saturday will be fine," Simon said reassuringly.

I smiled back, trying to believe him. "Well I'm going to go for a walk to cool down. I'll see you tomorrow Si." I gave him a hug and he kissed my cheek. I waved at Isabelle and started towards the lake bench.

To be honest I wasn't sure if I wanted to see Jace or not. I wanted to see him because I felt this need to be comforted and he seemed to know what to do, but if I did see him it would be so weird, he was pissed and maybe I should give him some time.

As I neared the bench I saw him sitting there, his hair sporting off in different directions, the moonlight highlighting the tips. I itched to draw him. I would draw the dark circles under his eyes, his long eyelashes resting on his cheeks. His piano player fingers linked behind his head and a look of peace and rest on his face.

I'm not sure how long I drew him in my head for, but his soft voice cut through the night, interrupting my thoughts. "You know Wildfire you can take a seat if you wish."

I blinked for a moment, and felt my cheeks heat up, "Oh," was all I could come up with.

He scoffed at my lack of response, "What? Think I'm going to try hit on you again. Trust me if I hit on you when you had a boyfriend I'm definitely not going to hit on you when you have a boyfriend and a lover." His words dripped in sarcasm but there was a bit of hurt leaking into his voice.

I cleared my throat, I did not come here to fight with Jace, neither did I come here to be reminded of Jake and Ben.

"Well then if you aren't going to hit on me I better head back hey?" I injected as much sarcasm into my voice as possible.

He laughed out loud, but it was a cold laugh, "Oh, so now she's back."

"What?"

"You know _Clary,_" he said slowly like he was talking to a three year old, "Wildfire, I wondered where she was during out little argument earlier."

I scoffed this time. _This_ is what he wanted to do? Play around like nothing was fucking wrong. I shook my head, even though he still hadn't turned around.

"You know what Jace, fuck you!" I turned and ran back to the dorm locking myself in my room. Lying face down on my bed my tears ran silently down my cheeks and I couldn't help but screaming loudly in my pillow. I didn't even know why I was angry with Jace, I mean I had hurt him right? But then he had acted like a complete and utter asshole to me at dinner and at the lake bench. I was over his little games and he could talk to me again when he had an EQ higher than a four year old.

Plus I had bigger things to worry about...


	6. Love and Hate

**A/N: I would just like everyone to know the EQ stands for emotional maturity...**

**And I see I have quite a bit more readers, welcome guys and please feel free to drop a line.**

_I was over his little games and he could talk to me again when he had an EQ higher than a four year old. _

_Plus I had bigger things to worry about..._

CPOV

I woke up in the morning, my hair stuck wildly to my face and I could feel the dried salt on my cheeks.

After a hot shower I changed and headed to the cafeteria. I met Simon and Isabelle on my way.

"Clary! How you?" Iz asked.

I smiled, "Feeling good hey," not entirely a lie, " And you?"

She bobbed her head excitedly, "Super excited for tonight! Pandemonium!"

I cringed, "I don't think I'm going." Her eyes widened comically and I couldn't help but giggle. The smile quickly fell off my face when I saw Ben, flanked with Sebastian and Chris, headed for us. Isabelle followed my gaze and squeezed my hand reassuringly.

"I'll be in the Caf is you need me." And she left with Simon, who sent an encouraging smile my way.

When Isabelle and Simon left I saw Ben say something and Chris and Sebastian fled towards the Cafeteria too. Ben walked slowly towards me, his hands stuffed in his pockets.

He smiled sheepishly as he neared me, "Hey Clare."

"Hey Ben."

"Listen Clare... can we talk? About last night?" He asked.

I nodded, "Sure Ben."

"Well... I wanted to apologize. I love you Clare and what you did when you weren't mine, so to speak, is your business. I'm sorry and frankly I want to kick Jake's sorry ass but I'll leave that for the field."

I smiled at Ben, he always knew what to say, how to say and when to say it. I stretched on my tip toes and gave him a chaste kiss on the cheek.

He bent down, a wry smile on his face. He gripped my hip firmly and pulled me towards him, burrowing his face into my neck. "Does this mean I'm forgiven?"

"Ben and Clary!" A voice called out. Ben raised his head sharply to see Mr. Grey headed our way, a small smile on his face.

"Hey Mr. Grey," Ben called out, twisting me so that he had his hand around my waist, and I faced Mr. Grey. I nodded at him.

"Now Ben, I think you know there are rules against conoodling during school, but since you two have been apart for so long I think I can let it slip."

I felt Ben snort at the word conoodling and I blushed at Luke.

"Thanks Mr. Grey, so what can we do for you?" Ben asked.

Luke walked up to us with two large envelopes in hand. "I just wanted to give you the details for the soccer tour headed up to Yellowstone. Clary, the Coach requested you come as a Ref and First Aider." He handed us the letter and bid us good-bye.

Ben quickly ripped open the flimsy paper and scanned the letter. "Oh yes! We go in two weeks and we are gone for five days! Five days baby," and he lent down kiss me.

His lips touched mine and sucked gently. He took my bottom lips between his and pulled, asking for entrance. I pulled away quickly, I felt wrong. My stomach twisted slightly at the thought of kissing Ben. Something was wrong with me! I looked up to see Ben looking at me with an confused face.

I giggled, "Not in the quad Ben," the excuse and fake laughter sounded so pathetic to my ears I was surprised when Ben grinned and grabbed my hand headed for breakfast.

I know the exact second he walked in. It was 08h14, or so my phone said. I turned my head surreptitiously, trying to get a glance at him. He walked past me, stopping to talk to one of the soccer boys. I took a second to drink him in, his golden locks were wet today, making them about 4 shades darker than usual. He was wearing a green polo top that hugged his biceps, making most of the girls take notice of him. I noticed Isabelle whistle quietly in my ear, "He's quite something hey?"

I looked up sharply and felt my cheeks flood with heat, "What?" I asked feigning innocence.

Isabelle shrugged, a small smile on her face, "Oh you know, the golden-haired god you were just checking out..." She winked.

I felt my mouth open and close, what was I really going to say? Isabelle giggled, "It's okay Clary, just let me know when you're _actually _going to talk to me about it?" the smile faded off her face, "I'm always here for you Clary, whether its about boys or your Dad."

I felt my throat tighten at the mention of my Dad and nodded, "Thanks Izzy."

"Clary!" Ben called, "Ready to head to class?"

I smiled quickly, "Let me just grab an apple, 'kay?"

Ben nodded and Isabelle grabbed me in a large hug. "hey can I get in on the action?" Simon teased.

I stuck my tongue out at him as Ben snaked his hand around my waist, "You wish Sime! Talk to you guys later!"

I headed to class, feeling a lot better than I did this morning.

When I got a moment to finally breathe and collect my mind it was already time from soccer practise. I had such I busy day! I was voted head of the dance committee for the annual founder's dance which happened after half term. Then I still had to organise a whole bunch of items for the charity drive on Sunday. The cherry on the cake was that Coach had asked my to come to all team practises leading up to the tour, to be and I quote, "More involved the team Clarissa." Personally I could see Luke written all over this.

I headed back to my dorm to change into shorts and one of Simon's gamer tee's. I decided to take my battered and bruised copy of Pride and Prejudice to practise. If I had a few moments break let them be drooling over Mr. Darcy.

Turns out there would be no break for me at soccer training me. The moment I walked onto the pitch Coach was waving me over while the boys ran.

"Clary!"

"Hey Coach, sorry I'm late."

Coach Stevens just smiled, "Uhm Clary... listen I ate a really bad chilli dog at lunch and need someone to take practise. You need to practise reffing, so I left a bunch of exercises Ben will have the boys do, although you have to time them and then they play."

"Errr... you want _me_ to take practise?" I asked, slightly taken aback.

"Yes yes dear, I trust you, report back to me tomorrow. Oh! And Ben needs to see my about the team list, tell him he must bring Jace. I have to rush now, my bowels aren't fairing too well."

"Oh sure sure, put your bowels out of err... pain? See you tomorrow, Coach!" I called as all the boy came to a stop next to me. Slowly I turned to them, an evil grin on my face.

Ben stepped forward with a smile but froze, "Uh oh... I know that face Clare."

I giggled and stepped forward, my nose almost touching his chest. I looked up at him, patting his cheek and then pushed on it, effectively shoving him out of the way.

"Alright boys, I'm the Coach tonight. Stevens had chilli dog issues and left me in charge."

I heard Chris whoop and Sebastian hi-five him. "Oh no no no boys, I have had a very...very bad day," I looked at Ben whose eyes grew large, "and I think this might

just make me feel better."

I heard the whole team groan, "Come on Ben! Get your girlfriend to give us the session off!" A boy by the name of Josh called.

I felt Ben come up behind me, wrapping his hands around my waist and nuzzling his face in my hair. He mumbled something. "Sorry what Ben?" I teased turning around in his arms. He looked down at me a small smile on his tanned face.

"Please Coach Clary will you let us relax this session?" he said in an adorably husky voice.

"Hmmm..." I pouted my lips and cocked my head to the side pretending to think, "Okay I thin-" I started to say when I was cut off my Ben's lips.

He was urgent, as if we hadn't been together the whole day, his lips tugging on mine, incessantly and unrelenting. I heard him inhale a breath through his noise while twisting his hands into my hair. I opened my mouth automatically and heard a round of catcalls. The minute Ben's tongue entered my mouth I felt a knot in my stomach. This felt wrong, all I felt was flesh and saliva and Ben's probing tongue.

Then I heard it, it was a tiny whisper compared to the rowdy noises the other boys were making. It was from _him_, "Jesus, you'd think he'd be more of a gentleman, molesting her in front of the whole fucking soccer team!"

The whisper was harsh, not hiding the disgust in his voice and I pulled away. I was breathing hard and I could feel my throat tighten. I smiled tightly while all the boys jeered and laughed.

I laughed quickly, "Okay guys, just play a half an hour game and you can go home 'kay?" Ben kissed my cheek and winked, "What do we say to the lady boys?"

There was a chorus of 'thank you' and 'you rock'. Once again I laughed quickly, ready to get this practise over with. The boy started playing and I don't even know what I was doing, my eyes caught the fouls and mistakes and my voice ushered commands but my mind was somewhere else.

Had Jace been right? Oh goodness just thinking his name bought on butterflies, but good ones. I wasn't sure what was happening... Last night I was sure I hated him for Christ's sake and today I was affected but what he thought and when I spoke, or rather thought, his name! Fuck me...

"Alright boys, that's enough, see you tomorrow. Oh Ben can you come here for a second." Ben jogged over, ruddy and sweaty from the game.

"Yeah baby?"

"Uhm..." my mind faltered for a second as Jace walked by,his musty scent made me draw a blank, "ughn..."

"Clary? Hey you okay babes?" Ben asked, looking at me like I had something on my face, fuck maybe I did.

I rubbed my eyes quickly, "Oh sorry, just tired. Uhm... Coach wants to see me, you and Jace tomorrow in his office before class."

"Sure thing, you wanna wait for me to just finish up and we can go to my room?" Ben hinted.

I faked a yawn, "No, I'm too tired. I'll see you tomorrow?" I offered weakly.

"Aren't you coming to Pandemonium tonight?" he asked.

I pursed my lips, " I don't know Ben..."

"Clary... come on, you need a night out on the town," He grinned, but when I didn't return it he continued, "Please baby, we haven't gone out since I got back..." He trailed off knowing he had pulled a card I couldn't say no to.

"Okay, let me head back and I'll meet you there?" I said.

He nodded, "Let me just take you? I brought my car up this term."

I shook my head quickly, "No!" He looked shocked and my outburst, "I mean Ben, you know Izzy, she'll take forever. I'll just go with her."

I saw his face drop but suddenly I was feeling tired and a little weak. "Sure Clare... get some rest." He bent down for a kiss but I reached up to kiss his cheek and his lips brushed my cheek.

"You sure everything is okay Clary?" he asked. I could see he was hurt by my slight kiss rejection.

I hoisted my bag higher on my shoulder, "I'm good. See you later Ben," I said quickly, brushing past him. I heard him sigh.

"Bye babes, love you!"

I pretended I hadn't heard him and picked up my pace. I was running away from my problems... I could see that. I just wished I could run away from my mind.

I stood in front of the mirror. Isabelle was standing next to me, gushing about how good I looked. I looked disdainfully at the mirror. Isabelle had me in a lovely light cropped top. It hung of one shoulder and looked like someone had just casually ripped it. It was a beautiful pale green. It was cropped to above my navel and the simple white J-t beneath it complimented my figure. I had denim shorts on that just passed as shorts and not panties. They were a dark denim with white splotches as if someone had splattered bleach over it. Simple peep toes heels covered my feet and I look pretty cute. My hair was straight and hung daintily over my shoulder. It wasn't club wear, but still sexy.

I smiled at Izzy, "Thanks Iz, you look sexy too." and she did, wearing a tight purple leather dress than ended just above her knees with sex-me black heels.

"Come one girls!" Simon shouted from the hallway, the hall matron had actually been on duty today.

"Coming Sime!" Isabelle called, rolled her eyes at me and asked, "You ready?"

"You bet!" I said smiling widely. I had a 2 hours nap after soccer practise and was feeling a lot more cheerful, although not so enthusiastic.

When we arrived at the club I couldn't help but smile, it was vibey and I could hear the music pounding. As entered we all migrated to the bar, bobbing with the music and waving at girls we knew and bitched about. The usual.

I spotted Ben at the bar, a beer bottle in his hand. How he got it I don't know, but somehow the bartender always served him.

He spotted and grinned. As he came closer I saw him take in my clothes and his smile grow wider. "Hey babes," he said, giving me a hug, "Feeling better?"

I nodded at him, the pulsating lights making his face green, blue and purple. "Yeah much better."

"Good," he nodded.

The boys moved back to the bar, Simon grabbing a beer. Iz and I sat together gazing at the body of people gyrating to the music.

"Let's dance!" Iz shouted of the music. I nodded and we headed out to the floor.

The music was loud and had a good beat, it made me feel sexy. Iz and I started dancing, shaking our hips and throwing out hands in the air. We giggled and belted out the lyrics to whatever song it was.

I loved times like these, I was just having fun with Iz. As corny as it sounds but the music just floated my troubles away. I closed my eyes and moved with the beat.

Suddenly I felt a hand at my hip. It was a beefy hand and the other hand captured my fingers in the air.

"Hello Clary dear..."Jake said.

I almost froze when I realised Ben could see me, he could see Jake. Oh god...Jake was fucked. "Jake..." I turned around, slipping my hands onto my hip, effectively moving away from him. I cocked my head to side, "How you doing man?"

He looked a little surprised by my reaction, the fact that I was treating him like a friend, I wasn't reacting. He cleared his throat and stepped closer, "I'm good, and you baby? I heard you boy was back..."

"Well actually he is..." Ben said, grabbing my fingers and pulling me to his side.

I saw Jake smile, "Aah Ben, long time hey?"

Ben grimaced, "Yeah it has been Jake. As much as I would love to stay and chat why don't we leave that to a soccer game. I came to just have some fun and I'd really like to _not_ pummel your face in at a club," his voice dropped to a whisper, " might look bad for you."

Jake stood up straighter, his jaw clenched, "Well... later Chastler... Clary." He winked and turned away, melting into the crowd.

I felt Ben breathe out and turn to me, "Well that went better than I expected."

I giggled, and then let out a big breath, "Let's wait for that soccer game and then you can say that," I said.

Ben laughed lightly and slowly pulled us apart, only to put his hand on my shoulder, "You okay?"

'Yes Ben, I am alright. God, why the fuck does everyone ask me that, all the time! I'm stressed and tired and I miss my Da- My brother and I just wish everyone would stop asking me if I'm fucking ok!" I took in a deep breath, "Because I am okay... I promise," I said quietly.

Ben nodded slowly, "Okay baby, if you say so."

I nodded back, "I'm just going to head to the bathroom, meet you at the bar?" I turned and walked towards the rest room before he could say anything. As I reached the restroom door I turned to see if Ben could see me. He couldn't, he was talking to Simon with his back to me. Quickly I changed direction and headed to the alley out back. I need some fresh air.

When I got outside I leant against the wall... my head lolled back and I closed my eyes. I could still her the music, it was winding down slowly. The cool air comforted me, slowly my heartbeat and caressing my skin. I bent my head towards my chest and dragged my finger through my hair before opening my eyes.

I drew in a sharp breath when I saw him, opposite me leaning casually against the wall. He was wearing dark jeans with a dark thermal vest, hugging his lean body tightly. As my eyes moved higher up his body I drew in another deep breath to find him looking directly at me.

"Hey," he said. He soft voice carried over the music and felt myself sigh quietly. He mistook the sigh, "Listen Clary," he stood up and walked over to me. I felt my heart speed up, the cool air was now stifling, "I'm sorry about last night. I was rude and I had no right to be, I was just taking me anger out on you..."

"Why were you angry?" I asked, my voice breathy.

He looked a bit shocked that I had spoken but carried on, "Uhm... ag my Mother called and we had an agrument and then my Dad decided to do some verbal discipline while my brother just – just family issues..." He ran his hands through his soft locks.

I nodded slowly, "I get that, its okay."

He breathed out a sigh of... relief? "Hey why you out here anyway?" he asked.

I blinked quickly trying to remove images of me running my hands through his hair, " Oh, its to noisy and hot in there... I needed some space. You?"

"Same..."

"Oh cool," _oh cool?_ _ What are you 7? _Just then The Script's Nothing came out softly through the closed club door.

"I love this song!" I said, smiling at him.

He smiled back and I was ready to die. It just transformed him from a brooding prince to a shining knight.

"Wanna dance?" He asked, his hand out stretched.

My eyes widened and I'm sure my jaw fell open while I just stared at his hand.

He took it away, dragging it through his hair again, "Sorry I didn't mean it like that. I was just tryi- ah fuck!"

I giggled, "I do want to dance..."

He looked up sharply and stepped forward. Taking my hand in his I felt that familiar spark run up my arm to my chest. He pulled my into his chest, my hand resting on his shoulder and his hand on my hip.

I looked up at him, smiling genuinely... he smiled back.

Still looking at me he drew my other hand around his neck and both his hand were around my waist. I'm pretty sure from the outside we look intimate, fuck, it sure as hell _felt_ intimate. I sighed out as I rested my head on his chest and we just swayed, never really moving. We let the lyrics wrap around us, constructing a bubble of pure comfort. I felt so... at peace in his arms.

I sneaked a look up at him as the song went through the last chorus. He was looking at me, his pupils were black and his kept bringing his lips closer, our lips were a breath apart, our noses touching when the song ended. I could hear our haggard breaths and I felt his hands tighten infinitesimally on my waist.

We were about to kiss... Jace Herondale and I were about to kiss... And suddenly the door burst open, a couple of drunk kids walked out laughing loudly shattering the moment.

We jumped apart as if we were on fire and felt a heavy feeling settle in my stomach... _disappointment_... I was _disappointed_ that Jace and I hadn't kissed.

I turned to Jace who was running his hands through his hair, "Shit Clary... I don't know... what the fuck – what was that? I mean... when I'm around you -its just like I have no fucking control... I – ugh!" He was frustrated and his hands were now lodged in his hair.

I was still processing what has happened..._ What had happened?_ My mind asked. I just... I almost kissed Jace and we danced... very intimately... what the _fuck? _I couldn't have... I mean I don't even like Jace! I- we just couldn't have... maybe we just got sucked up in the moment... maybe that was it. I mean it's lucky those people came through the door, what if that had been Ben? Oh shit! Ben! I had a boyfriend for fuck's sake!

"Clary?" Jace asked.

I looked up sharply, "We can't... I mean we didn't. Ben can't know Jace, I mean ever Jace!" I felt my voice wobble and I shook my head gesturing wildly, "I mean we can't actually like each other let alone have... have _chemistry!_ I mean we can't stand each other, we borderline fucking hate each other! Oh god! I need to get back... Ben will be waiting. Oh fuck!"

"Clary!" Jace shouted.

I stared at him, "What Jace?"

"Clary, you can't just pretend this didn't happen. I don't know what the fuck is happening but I _like_ it Clary! Don't you like it?" He voice was pleading.

I looked up to the sky and took a deep breath, "Of course I like it Jace... and that's what I'm scared of. I just... It doesn't make sense. I've only known you for, what, 5 days and Ben... Ben has been there for a long time Jace... Plus we hate each other, we always fight and even if we followed through and this... on this I don't know what, we would just bicker and fight. I can't take that step Jace. I'm sorry. We'd probably just end up hating each other."

I looked at him, he was looking at the pavement. I moved towards the door when he called out softly, "Clary..." I looked at him, his golden eyes boring into mine, "my mother always said there is a fine line between love and hate." And then he walked away, his footsteps loud and fast... like my heart.

**Leave a review please! :) It's better than dancing with Jace!**


	7. Drama Alert

_I looked at him, he was looking at the pavement. I moved towards the door when he called out softly, "Clary..." I looked at him, his golden eyes boring into mine, "my mother always said there is a fine line between love and hate." And then he walked away, his footsteps loud and fast... like my heart._

I sighed and swallowed thickly. What the fuck had just happened? I pulled down the heavy handle on the door and opened it on a very guilty looking Ben.

He looked shocked and quickly tried to smooth his face over, "Clare... so this is where you were?"

I looked at him, I know he'd heard something but how much? "Yeah, I wanted some air. Why?"

"You told me you were going to the bathroom, you never came back," He cleared his throat, "I was worried Clare."

"I'm fine," I snapped.

He nodded slowly, "Okay Clare. Who were you with?" he jutted his head behind me into the alley.

I stepped inside and who looked over his shoulder, "Oh just Jace," I shrugged trying to be casual, I even shrugged.

Ben stepped into my line of vision, "Oh... okay. Well, uhm... I love you."

I jerked my head up sharply, "Errr... okay." What was with the random love confession.

Ben rubbed his cheeks and then leant around me, putting his arms against the wall and trapping me between them.

"Ben what th-" I protested.

"That's the third time today," He whispered. His tone took my by surprise. It sounded so gutted, I truly didn't like seeing Ben like this.

I turned to look him in the eye, "What are you talking about?" I whispered. Even though we were in a crowded club, we were whispering, feeling the need for privacy.

He took a deep breath in and exhaled sharply, "You never say it back..."

I knew what he was talking about straight away. I hadn't said 'I love you' back. It hadn't felt right. Every time I was prepared to say it bubble of anxiety took over my chest and I had to take a few deep breaths to get my heart back to normal.

Ben's eye were moist and his eyes were alight with pain, "I just... I don't understand Clare. Did I do something? Should I have done something? Cause I'll do it Clare – I promise, oath I'll do it... you just-you just gotta let me know Clare. What do I have to do to make you... love me again." His voice broke with emotion on the last three words and he leaned forward to put lean his forehead on the wall behind me.

At his voice I let my tears fall over, trying to sob silently. I knew how selfish this looked, how hurtful I was being. I hadn't said three words back and it broke him... yet I was crying. I couldn't explain it.

It was – it was just wrong to say those words to Ben. I felt sick saying them, at one point I would have thrown them all over the place to a number of different people, but I couldn't describe it. Since the beginning of term, I felt different with Ben. It felt wrong.

I threw my head back against the wall. Stop crying! It shows weakness! I pushed my head further into the wall, using the pain as energy. I tensed up and I felt my fingers curl, trying to bury themselves into the wall.

Ben raised his head sharply, alarm thrown across his face. "Clary," He cupped my face between his palms and bought our foreheads together, "Don't cry, and sure as fuck don't hurt yourself."

I bit my lip trying to keep the sobs in, "I-I can't help it... I just, I don't know why. I just can't-I can't say it any more. I don't know what to do, but I just... I can't say it. And I love you Ben, but not like that. I just I don't – I just can't... I'm so sorry Ben... so sorry."

"Shhh..." He murmured while wiping away my tears, "I understand believe it or not. I can't force you Clare. But I love you, like that. For now and maybe forever. I'll always be there for you."

I shook my head violently, a could feel a hard bump at the back of my head. "I don't deserve this, you. You have to move on Ben." I saw Ben's face, he looked doubtful, but he couldn't waste his life for me.

I tried again, my voice harder, "You can't waste your life Ben, there are other girls, nicer girls, girls that deserve you. Girls that love you."

He shook his head, "I have a feeling I will always pine for you Clare..."

I bit my lip, "I won't come back to you Ben," I whispered. "You have to understand that."

He inhaled sharply, "I'm aware." He looked at me and managed a smile, "So is this it?" and he chuckled.

I looked up at him, how could he act like that, so happy so easily. I tried for a smile and got a grimace, "We are still going to be friends right, good friends?" I don't think I could just cut Ben out of my life. As pitiful and selfish as it sounds, I still needed him.

"Let;s start with friends Clare, I don't think I can take any more."

I nodded, Ben leant down and brushed his lips over mine. "You'll get a lift with Isabelle?"

I smiled up at him, 'Yeah."

He nodded and moved off, opened the door to the alley and walk out. I looked around, everything was normal still. The pulsating lights, the techno music, the couples making out. Only my life had changed.

And I felt... surprisingly good. My make-up was slightly messed so I headed to the bathroom, but I couldn't help but feeling happier. Lighter, not that Ben had been a burden. But pretending had.

I saw Isabelle as I exited the bathroom. She was giggling with some guy on the dance floor... he looked pretty cute. I walked over to Simon who was standing by the bar.

"Hey Clary," he nodded, smiling.

"Hey Sime," I smiled.

'What's got you smiling?"

"Uhm... nothing. Just feeling better I guess." It didn't feel right to tell Simon about the break up just yet. It had happened less that half an hour ago.

He smiled, "I'm glad, you need a break to just relax."

"Yeah," I sighed, "The Charity Drive committee has to meet on Sunday at lets say 3? But the soccer game is on Saturday right?"

Simon nodded, "Yip sounds good. Shall we head back?" he asked, looking at Isabelle skipped towards them.

"Guess what?" Iz sang out.

I giggled, "Okay I want name, school, year and you got digits?"

"Josh, St Benard's, year 12 and hell yes!" She sighed dramatically, "He's so cute and funny!"

Simon grumbled, "Okay let's just go home okay?"

I looked over at Isabelle, "What's got his knickers in a twist?"

She shrugged, "Shut up!" Simon called over his head.

Iz and giggled as we linked arms, heading for Simon's Mercedes.

I would tell my best friends about the break up tomorrow, I told myself, so I don't ruin a great evening for them. Although I did dread telling them, the school would be buzzing for days and Isabelle would give me the third degree.

Oh the joys tomorrow brings...

"Clary!"

I turned around quickly and stopped Ben jogging towards me.

"Uhm hey?" I asked awkwardly.

He smiled and I relaxed, "Don't we have to meet the Coach?"

"Oh fuck! I forgot!" I said quickly, "Where's Jace? He needs to be there too."

"I'll go get him, just go find the Coach and tell him we're on the way." Ben said authoritatively.

I nodded and went to Coach Clapp's office, quite pleased that the short exchange of words with Ben hadn't been too awkward.

Knocking on the Coach door, a gruff, 'Come in." I put on a smile and walked in.

"Hi Coach, the boys are on their way."

Coach smiled, "That's okay darlin', I actually needed to speak to about the Yellowstone trip. As you know we leave on Friday in two weeks and as you know you are coming with. So... I noticed you were the only girl coming, and I thought about it and I suggest you bring a friend with."

"Oh," I smiled, _this had Luke all over it _, "That would be brilliant Coach, I'll bring Isabelle."

Coach smiled, "Brilliant." There was a knock at the door, "Come in boys," The Coach called.

Ben opened the door and in walked the boys. Jace's hair was wet and he was wear a tight white tee on dark jeans. I smiled involuntary at his entrance and he's eyes flickered to me. I smiled wider. He's eyes narrowed and he nodded, quickly turning to Coach.

I swallowed thickly, and caught up with what the Coach was saying.

"So you guys will be the representatives for the Angel Academy. That means you three are in charge of everyone coming on time to practises until the championship. You will also be in charge of curfews, game times and pep talks. Clary you will be in charge of all the medical supplies of course. Ben you need to keep all the school balls and Jace I thought since the team voted you vice captain you could learn from Ben and help. Okay?"

"Wait Jace is vice? I thought Simon was," Ben asked.

"Yes the team voted after trials and I suppose you thought it would be Simon, but Jace won the votes," Coach explained.

Ben raised his eyebrows. I smiled, _wow Jace made an impression on the team I guess_.

The coach dismissed us and as we walked to breakfast. We were all silent. I was stuck between a boy who I couldn't love and a boy who I almost kissed. I slowed down next to Jace, trying to gauge the atmosphere between us.

"So, vice captain hey? Well done!" I said to Jace.

He looked at me, eyebrow raise, "Uhm... sure I guess." His tone was one of disinterest and he walked faster to speak to Ben about something. The two boys walked ahead speaking about game plans.

I couldn't believe Jace was being so cold... I mean after that extremely intimate moment in the alley I thought he would be nice... maybe even friendlier than before.

I walked into the crowed cafeteria and took my place next to Isabelle, smiling at everyone while I grabbed an apple.

"Clary..." Isabelle whispered, leaning forward.

"Hmmm Iz?" I said distracted.

"Did you and Ben break-up?" she asked, I whipped my head around so fast I swear I got whip lash.

"Who told you?" I asked quietly, knowing that I had told no-one and I was pretty sure Ben wouldn't have said anything yet.

Her eyes widened and then narrowed, " Then it's true and you didn't tell me Clary?" The hurt clear in her voice.

"Oh Iz! No I was going to tell you. I just..." I trailed off as she started shaking her head.

"No Clary... when did this happen?" She asked, her voice normal now.

I looked around the table, no-one was looking but we couldn't have this conversation her, "We can't talk about this right now, in here."

She widened her eyes again, "Oh really Clary," she rolled her eyes, her voice laced with anger, "Now isn't a good time for you hey? When is then? When and where are you going to tell you best friend that you broke-up with your boyfriend hey? I should say ex boyfriend I guess. Or were you just not going to tell me?" she scoffed at me as she pushed her chair back and stood up, "I just can't look at you right now!"

I stood up, shocked and ready to run after her when I realised the entire cafeteria had heard her. Everyone was silent and Simon stood up, "Okay guys... that's enough." Slowly everyone thawed and Simon walked over to me. I noticed that Ben and Sebastian were in a discussion, looking over to me. Jace was mute his eyes staring out the door Isabelle left through.

I started towards the door, Simon hot on my heels. "Clary!" Simon called.

"Sime I have to find her, she needs to understand I'm not shutting her out," I called over my shoulders as we exited the cafeteria and headed towards the dorm.

"But you are shutting her out."

I swivelled on my heel, meeting Sime chest to chest. "I have not!" I whispered harshly.

He smiled tightly and and tucked a stray lock of hair behind my ear, "The why didn't you tell us Clary?" he asked softly.

I felt my eyes prick with tears at he's concerned tone, taking I a shuddering breath I tried to explain, "I don't know Sime. It just happened in the alley and I was so confused and when I came out I saw you guys and just wanted to have a good time and I figured I would tell you today... But it seems like someone beat me to it."

Simon smiled again and hugged me, "I understand that Clary, I do, Aline heard Sebastian and Ben talking about it. I bet she told Isabelle. But what I really don't get it why you broke up with Ben? I thought you guys loved each other."

My tears fell at that point, "That' just it Sime. He loves me and I just can't, I couldn't say it back and after what had just happened I felt so lost..."

He pulled me to his chest smoothing my hair, "Shh... its okay Clary. What happened that made you feel so lost darlin'?"

"Jace," I mumbled.

Simon drew back, "I guess I shouldn't really be so surprised considering the way he looks at you."

"The way he looks at me? He practically hates me. You should have seen him this morning."

Simon gave me a knowing grin, "I'm pretty sure he's trying to protect himself from heart break, knowing you Clary I would think you stopped anything romantically physical from happening and he probably sees it as rejection."

I sighed, hugging Simon, "When did you get so clever hey?"

He chuckled, "I always was, you were just too thick to notice it," he teased.

I laughed along with him, "Are you angry that I didn't tell you."

He sighed, "Not really Clary, I know you and this is boy stuff so I'm pretty sure if you had told me I wouldn't have been the first person you would have gone to. You would have gone to Isabelle first and maybe that why she's so hurt."

"I know... I really must go find her, try make her understand and apologise."

"Once she understands she'll forgive you, she can't live without you. You are her best friend," he said.

I looked up at Simon, "So are you Si."

He grinned and kissed the top of my head, "I'm sure she's in her dorm room."

Simon left to finish breakfast and I walked to Izzy's dorm. I knocked on the door.

"What?" a congested voice called out. _Shit! I had made her cry_.

"Iz...it's me."

I heard a sigh and then some objects moving, the door opened and there was a red nosed, puffy eyed Isabelle, "Can I help you?"

I sighed, "Iz I want to talk to you, to apologise and explain."

She cocked a brow, "well you can do that right here? So start."

I shook my head slightly, Isabelle and her dramatics, "Okay so let me first say I'm sorry. I'm sorry for distancing myself from you and not telling you about my life and not sharing with you, like a best friend should. I want you to know that I love you Iz and I was going to tell you last night at the club, but seeing you guys after Ben and I had just broken up made me smile. I didn't want to ruin a perfectly fun night and I was going to tell you this morning, but I guess Aline caught you before I did."

She looked at me, searching me face for any lies, she sighed and moved aside letting me in. "Tell me everything, and I do mean everything. If it's juicy enough I'll forgive you," she said her voice lighter.

I smiled," Oh well you're in for a story."

I told Isabelle everything, from the time Jace and I shared the bench on the first day back. A mere two weeks since then to the cold front I had received from him this morning. Need I say I was defiantly forgiven.

"Okay Clary, we need to make a plan," she said smiling mischievously.

"About what Isabelle? I have seen that face and it's not a good thing."

"We need a plan to make Jace fall in love with you," she said as if it was the most normal thing ever.

I felt my eyes go wide, "But I don't love him, hell I barely even like him Iz!"

She just hummed and kept writing a list.

"Isabelle!" I protested.

"Yes yes you don't like him, whatever this will be fun."

I rolled my eyes as the bell rang. "Oh come on Iz... we've got class and I have to face the pity looks from everyone."

I saw Isabelle cringe, "Yeah... sorry about outing you in the Caf."

I shrugged," Meh it would have come out anyway..." Grabbing our totes we walked out chatting happily.

I got many side long glances the whole day, boys checking me out and girls smiling that I got Ben back on the market.

The rest of my group was pretty chilled, they talk to me like nothing was wrong, only clamming up when the subject of Ben came up. I had a feeling Simon spoke to them.

Luckily today I had a few hours free before soccer training. Walking down to the bench with my sketchbook I couldn't help but hope Jace was there. I know he was an absolute jerk to me today, but I still kinda wanted to see him... _Something is wrong with me._

Humming softly I started drawing when I got there, disappointed that he wasn't there.

"_Baby baby baby oooh... oh baby baby baby ah... I hope you'll always be mine, mine."_

I heard a chuckle behind me, "Justin Bieber, really? I hoped you had better music choice."

I shrugged, my actions so much more calmer than my heart, "Guess not."

I felt him sit next to me on the bench, "Okay, so no Wildfire today."

I shrugged again, not looking up from my drawing of a war zone.

"So, what's the time, we have soccer practise soon right?" he asked, looking at my unresponsive face.

My heart beat faster at his stare and I gripped my pencil harder to try prevent a blush. I shrugged again.

"What the fuck Clary? Why aren't you talking to me again?" he voice was full of frustration.

I turned to him, taking in he's sweaty shirt and low jogging shorts, "Oh really Jace. I'm the one that's not talking. Well this morning you didn't feel like fucking talking either maybe I don't feel like talking now"

He's brow furrowed, and then cleared, "Listen Clary... about this morning, it was before the news about Ben."

I was confused now, "The news about Ben? How could that possibly affect you?" AS the words left my mouth I felt stupid.

He scoffed and leaned in close, his delicious aroma surrounding me, "It affects me because we were going to kiss last night and you backed out because of your boy friend. Ben basically cockblocked me, so understandably this morning I was considerably grumpy with you for having a fucking conscience. Although don't ever lose that trait. And so now I find out you guys broke up and I don't know if I should be slightly offended that you didn't kiss because you obviously don't like him that much or whether to be wondering if we are going to kiss any time soon."

I blinked... that was a lot to take in, "Uhm... Well firstly, I love Ben. Just not in that way he loves me and so no matter whether we were or are together we won't, no we can't kiss... because as much a your lips just scream kissable at me," I looked at his lips, "I just broke up with him yesterday," he leaned forward, "so it would be wrong... very wrong..." My voice trailed off as he came closer and closer.

So our noses were touching and his sweet breath invaded my senses. He leaned even closer, our lips barely touching but the slight buzz told me they were.

"We don't have to tell anyone," he said pressing his lips to mine, "until it becomes right."

And then he kissed me.

**A/N: Reviews are better than kissing Jace.**


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